Nothing much to say, but I will try anyways

This post is sad and I don’t even really want to write it. But without it the blog will just fade out, cause I am sure not going to write anything else.

Alan’s grandad passed away. He was a strong, strong man, and he fought hard to the end. We are all sad, and it feels wrong to not ever get to see him again. He always called me slim. Even when I wasn’t. Always so lovely. A great man.

………..

I have been dealing with some health issues. Quite anxiety based, and I finally got my doctor to send me off to further tests at the hospital. Because I basically thought I was dying all the time. All in my head perhaps, but still there.

The tests were supposed to make me feel safe and better. To show me that there is nothing wrong and that I am not sick.

Yesterday at the intestinal test (yay for that ugly image) they found something. Something they could not just remove there, so they had to send me off for more tests, tissue testing and an operation at another hospital.

It was very strange how the mood changed in the hospital room, from the nice nurses trying to chat and joke to take my mind off the uncomfort (or we can say annoying pain) of having a camera up my bum, to the sudden serious mood when the doctor found the nasty polyp. And all I could think of apart from dying was that it’s so unfair thinking of all the broccoli I have eaten.

It’s probably nothing (touch wood). And most often these growths are not dangerous. But for somebody with a serious anxiety fear of cancer and dying, it’s a bad situation.

Every other moment I am thinking its going to be ok. That it has to be ok. And the next I am thinking about who I can match Alan up with to give the girls a nice stepmom.

It’s ridiculous. Painful and annoying. And I just want those feelings to go away. And I want the ugly growth out.

But for now its just about waiting. And pass the time watching silly comedies, reading only books with happy-endings, and blocking all that’s not pleasant to think about.

I should know the result middle of next week.

I know all of you will cross your fingers for me. Thanks for that.

The silly drawing is just trying to make it all a bit funny. There should be a card for a colon check-up. Because humour is what you need in a situation like that.

20140415-215625.jpg

Advertisements

Drowning in a sea of snot

The last week has been a week drowning us in self-pity. Snot. And a little bit of sick.

We have all been ill, taken turns and had it more or less horrible, but I was the last in line, and am just barely sniffling up to the surface now. Totally man-flu that I got from Alan. Or man-plague actually.

A bad infection is being fought with penicillin, and I am hoping to get better soon. And that this turn of sickness then ends here. That it does not start over again with someone else in the family. Please. Don’t. Start. Over. Again.

It has been a tough week for other reasons. It seems all anybody has wanted to eat has been white sugar crap. Even I thought the veggies looked yuk and grosse. And of course white sugar crap does not make anyone well. It comforts for five minutes but then the good things stop. And with nobody really eating, nobody has really fancied cooking either, so it has been a week of pretty lousy quick solutions. And foul moods.

Today I cooked properly, with veggies and spices, fresh eggs (and ok – sausages, sue me) for the first time in what felt like ages. We ate in happiness. Nobody went on the naughty step, and it felt so amazingly blissful after a week of frustrations.

We had a picture perfect Instagram moment of playing, cutting easter ‘gækkebreve’ letters and cuddling on the sofa. And the best thing was, it didn’t even go to Instagram, cause my phone wasn’t there. So it will just be mentally stored.

My grandmother called and ordered me to get well soon and look properly after myself, and that’s always nice to hear somebody say! Thank you, I will do my best and rest, Granny.

So because I did not have the energy to blog, while it was all horrible, I am now sending some good vibes out there.

I feel like anything is possible – hey, I even managed to clean the cutlery drawer and the disgusting bin-cupboard after I sanitized all the knobs in our house today!

Then you just know its spring soon.

20140319-202155.jpg

– and Roxie has been crazy talented back in daycare. Cute Easter birdie !

Also –

Life is weird.

——-

I wrote this post several days ago – a week maybe. I can’t remember. I did not want to post it then. But here goes.

Alan’s grandad is still not out of the woods, but he is a tough old man fighting with everything he’s got. So we hope for the best.

Alan’s passport has expired, so he can’t even go and see him. It makes the distance to London huge.

One of my favorite bloggers received news that her cancer is terminal. And I have no words to give her, because they are all just flat and stupid. I wish I could do more. I just know she once wrote we should meet up at a blogger meeting, and I kept hoping for that. I look up to her for her writing and her personality, she stood up for things, and I was so proud that she wanted to meet me too.
She has a young son. And she has fought so hard. Life is awful and random.

I went to the doctor on Friday with fear of lumps behind my implants. The doctor said it was all fine, but I carry the fear constantly.

We are all coughing, feeling mondayblue- and tired for our different reasons, and I have been a shitty mum and girlfriend today.

I will kiss everyone when they are asleep tonight.

And tomorrow.

20140224-190348.jpg


I have kissed them all a lot since that Monday.