This post is sad and I don’t even really want to write it. But without it the blog will just fade out, cause I am sure not going to write anything else.
Alan’s grandad passed away. He was a strong, strong man, and he fought hard to the end. We are all sad, and it feels wrong to not ever get to see him again. He always called me slim. Even when I wasn’t. Always so lovely. A great man.
I have been dealing with some health issues. Quite anxiety based, and I finally got my doctor to send me off to further tests at the hospital. Because I basically thought I was dying all the time. All in my head perhaps, but still there.
The tests were supposed to make me feel safe and better. To show me that there is nothing wrong and that I am not sick.
Yesterday at the intestinal test (yay for that ugly image) they found something. Something they could not just remove there, so they had to send me off for more tests, tissue testing and an operation at another hospital.
It was very strange how the mood changed in the hospital room, from the nice nurses trying to chat and joke to take my mind off the uncomfort (or we can say annoying pain) of having a camera up my bum, to the sudden serious mood when the doctor found the nasty polyp. And all I could think of apart from dying was that it’s so unfair thinking of all the broccoli I have eaten.
It’s probably nothing (touch wood). And most often these growths are not dangerous. But for somebody with a serious anxiety fear of cancer and dying, it’s a bad situation.
Every other moment I am thinking its going to be ok. That it has to be ok. And the next I am thinking about who I can match Alan up with to give the girls a nice stepmom.
It’s ridiculous. Painful and annoying. And I just want those feelings to go away. And I want the ugly growth out.
But for now its just about waiting. And pass the time watching silly comedies, reading only books with happy-endings, and blocking all that’s not pleasant to think about.
I should know the result middle of next week.
I know all of you will cross your fingers for me. Thanks for that.
The silly drawing is just trying to make it all a bit funny. There should be a card for a colon check-up. Because humour is what you need in a situation like that.